Sometimes it's hard for me to remember how good it can be with me and Mikey when we're both super tuned in to each other and spot on with everything and spending time with each other constructively and laughing and making love and just being married, you know what I mean? Most of the time we're like this
Morning
Mike: Hey will you give Austin his meds? I'm late for work and I gotta go.
Me: Yeah, sure. Love ya, bye.
Afternoon
Mike: Don't forget to call blahblahblah and schedule an appointment for fiddle dee doo.
Me: Yeah, yeah I'll do it. But why can't you do it? Oh, I need you to do (insert tremendously stressful chore here) after you get off work
Mike: Damn it. Alright. (Heavy sighing)
Me: Le sigh
After work
Me: Hey baby.
Mike: ::stares into space and doesn't move::: I am...so tired. Work was totally fucked today because of the boss' blahblahblahblahblah
Me: I'm sorry baby ::forgets to listen after his initial complaint about work and stares at his faces and dazes off instead
Mike: You're totally not even listening right now are you.
Me: Heh? Oh...sorry.
Mike goes downstairs to play X-Box until it's time for dinner
Dinnertime
Me: Kids! Time for dinner! Steven, stop telling your sister what to do and focus on yourself for once. Violette, what's wrong now? Why are you crying? I'm sure your toe will feel better after a while. It'll be okay. Nick! How many times have I told you stop being a bully to your sister?! You need to say you're sorry before you eat your dinner.
::Nicky then proceeds to sit there, immovable, for at least 5 minutes before I give up and just eat dinner
Mike: Steven, what did your mom tell you to do? Will you please just listen? For god's sakes! Violette, stop spitting your milk back into your cup and then drinking it, that's disgusting. Nicky, if you don't like it then don't eat it and be hungry.
Me: ::shoves food in face as quickly as possible before I'm interrupted, finish, then feel bloated:: How was your day at school, Steven?
::all kids begin talking at once and start arguing about who was talking first and who is lying and argueargueargue::
Mike: ONE AT A TIME!
Me: I'm going to go lie down and watch some TV. I give up.
Mike: I'll be there in a few minutes.
Insert Spongebob "Four Hours Later" voice
Me: What have you been up to? I thought you were coming up here in a few minutes?
Mike: ::yawns:: I've just been playing this one game and couldnt' beat this one level, insert long video game explanation here. Do you wanna do it?
Me: ::stare bald-faced at him for a few seconds and say nothing::
Mike: Fine. I'm too tired to do it anyway. I love you baby. I'll see you in the morning.
Wash, rinse, repeat. Wash, rinse, repeat. Every. Single. Day.
This was not a creative embellishment. This is, no shit, mine and Mike's life almost day in and day out minus the shit we both deal with when not interacting with each other. That's basically the only interactions we get with each other on a daily basis.
With Scotty no longer living with us and not currently having a caregiver and Violette and Nicky's grandpa in Mexico for the next two months and their grandma constantly on long hauls, we're fucking DYING for a break over here. We had last Saturday before Valentine's Day to ourselves, amazingly enough. This never happens.
We spent it picking up ladders and a bedroom set for Austin in Puyallup. Then we planned to have super kinky-nobody's-home-let's-shake-the-walls-with-our-sex sex but then we over-excited ourselves and it only lasted 2 minutes. Then we napped. Then we got up and got dressed and I gussied myself up and we went out to eat dinner at our old special occasion place, C.I. Shenannigans. We shared a bottle of champagne and had some really, really good food. Then we shopped for bed sheets at Target and picked up the latest installment in the Twilight saga. We went home, lit some candles and started a fire in the fireplace downstairs, watched it, and then had sex again and passed the fuck out.
That's all it takes. That's all it takes! That's all it takes for us to be connected for weeks after. I can feel that it's starting to slip away again, though. Tonight we had all the kids asleep and he still passed out early. Granted, we've both had long days but I'm at least willing to stay awake and have some good quality bonding time with him. Le sigh.
Marriage is not for chumps, I'll tell you that. Just trying to remind myself for when we are super out of synch that it does and can get better. It always does but it never feels like it at the time.
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Thursday, February 16, 2012
I have been perusing applications, background checks, and conversing with possible caregivers for Austin all day long. I am tired.
Starting off we have a sassy black lady in her 50's that, after both times of offering up a day and time for an interview, has not even acknowledged it but instead told me when SHE would be "willing" to be interviewed. A word to the wise: if you need a job you should probably learn how to take instructions or at least make it seem like you can follow an order and that you're not totally stubborn and pig-headed. Just...ugh.
Second, I have a woman who isn't even self-sufficient enough to figure out what bus runs by the Starbucks that I'll be interviewing her at. Joy. How are you going to handle this job if you can't even figure out where to get simple information from? C'mon.
Third, and almost even sadder, I have a chick who is 7 months pregnant who is absolutely, hands down, THE most qualified person for this job. Also, she's she's 22 years old. If her resume is to be believed, anyway.
I guess the easy part is over. I have a few other people I'll be interviewing that don't really stand out to me at all. Maybe that's a good thing. Lol
If everyone shows up I will be at Starbucks for 7 straight hours this Sunday. Whoo! How exciting is that?
Other than this I have nothing really going on in my life. My life has been consumed with menial household labor. Until I hire a caregiver it will continue to be. I was never meant to be a housewife. I know this now.
Starting off we have a sassy black lady in her 50's that, after both times of offering up a day and time for an interview, has not even acknowledged it but instead told me when SHE would be "willing" to be interviewed. A word to the wise: if you need a job you should probably learn how to take instructions or at least make it seem like you can follow an order and that you're not totally stubborn and pig-headed. Just...ugh.
Second, I have a woman who isn't even self-sufficient enough to figure out what bus runs by the Starbucks that I'll be interviewing her at. Joy. How are you going to handle this job if you can't even figure out where to get simple information from? C'mon.
Third, and almost even sadder, I have a chick who is 7 months pregnant who is absolutely, hands down, THE most qualified person for this job. Also, she's she's 22 years old. If her resume is to be believed, anyway.
I guess the easy part is over. I have a few other people I'll be interviewing that don't really stand out to me at all. Maybe that's a good thing. Lol
If everyone shows up I will be at Starbucks for 7 straight hours this Sunday. Whoo! How exciting is that?
Other than this I have nothing really going on in my life. My life has been consumed with menial household labor. Until I hire a caregiver it will continue to be. I was never meant to be a housewife. I know this now.
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Business as Usual.
I've just been so busy lately. Just...so fucking busy I can't even write or read things others have written or keep up a conversation with someone I can only talk online to or even sit down to finish Loco Pantaloons.
Too fucking busy!
I don't like it when I'm this busy. It makes me feel scattered and addle-brained. It's a bad feeling. I've been so busy just running around, buying the things that this household needs that I have no time or energy for anything else. Oh, I know. Woe is me, right? Well when it's 8:37pm and you're at Target contemplating if Rachel Ray or Paula Deen makes a better pots and pans set it's time to just call it a night. That's what I was doing last night. Exhausting.
Money is great and good and powerful and handy because it allows you to provide for your family. Get that growing son of yours a few pairs of pants and a pair of shoes that don't talk when he walks. Get your daughter some bras because apparently she needs them now. Get your youngest a new bed because he jumped to much on his and broke it.
I imagine a world where once you buy something you never have to replace it. What an amazing world that would be. I think most of the money I spend is on stuff that I'm replacing; food, clothes, beds, tv's, etc. etc. ad nauseum. I'm basically just tired of buying this shit!
The good news is that I bought a bunch of stuff for the house that I've been meaning to get. Like hardwood stain and polyurethane to deal with these hideous wood floors. That's going to be a big fucking job. I'm not looking forward to it. Plus I get anxiety just thinking about getting the stain even.
I bought some paint for the walls. A lovely shade of light blue. Got some paint for the dark brown shiny fireplace to paint it an eggshell cream color. Got cabinet paint to take it from boring apartment cabinets that look generic as hell to a cream color with a brown glaze over to look more France, 1900's. I'm basically renovating my upstairs to look more cottage chic, or shabby chic, or French Country, or whatever the hell you want to call it. I basically just hate how my house looks on the inside but have never done anything about it because when you have so much going on in your life, don't fuck around with things if they don't need fixin', ya know? But now as I get older I realize that if I'm not happy in the house I live in then I'm not happy most of the time. Unacceptable. So I'm doing something about it. Slowly but surely.
I'm also doing a split zine with someone who's a big supporter of The F-Bomb and all of my creative projects. Her name's Sarah and she runs Once Upon A Distro. We started talking after Wooden Shoe in Philly started carrying my zine and she had read it and loved it. She put out a request to do a split zine and I responded back and we're both excited for it. She wanted to go with a theme so we both agreed on "firsts." I've already written the story of my first apartment and now I just have to think about what other stories I want to write and how I can wrangle them in under the "first" theme. :) And also, find the time to do that.
Right now I feel like I'm going to drop down on the floor in a fit of slumber. I'm on my moon, I'm starting to come down with a cold, and I just can't fucking sleep correctly lately and I don't know why. I feel like I need to power sleep for 15 or so hours to reboot my sleep. Maybe I'll just sleep today and give the dishes and laundry the bird. I'm too tired for this.
I was going to write something much more meaningful and regale you with witticisms and funny things but this is all you get from me today. Maybe the next time I write I'll be much less whiny.
Too fucking busy!
I don't like it when I'm this busy. It makes me feel scattered and addle-brained. It's a bad feeling. I've been so busy just running around, buying the things that this household needs that I have no time or energy for anything else. Oh, I know. Woe is me, right? Well when it's 8:37pm and you're at Target contemplating if Rachel Ray or Paula Deen makes a better pots and pans set it's time to just call it a night. That's what I was doing last night. Exhausting.
Money is great and good and powerful and handy because it allows you to provide for your family. Get that growing son of yours a few pairs of pants and a pair of shoes that don't talk when he walks. Get your daughter some bras because apparently she needs them now. Get your youngest a new bed because he jumped to much on his and broke it.
I imagine a world where once you buy something you never have to replace it. What an amazing world that would be. I think most of the money I spend is on stuff that I'm replacing; food, clothes, beds, tv's, etc. etc. ad nauseum. I'm basically just tired of buying this shit!
The good news is that I bought a bunch of stuff for the house that I've been meaning to get. Like hardwood stain and polyurethane to deal with these hideous wood floors. That's going to be a big fucking job. I'm not looking forward to it. Plus I get anxiety just thinking about getting the stain even.
I bought some paint for the walls. A lovely shade of light blue. Got some paint for the dark brown shiny fireplace to paint it an eggshell cream color. Got cabinet paint to take it from boring apartment cabinets that look generic as hell to a cream color with a brown glaze over to look more France, 1900's. I'm basically renovating my upstairs to look more cottage chic, or shabby chic, or French Country, or whatever the hell you want to call it. I basically just hate how my house looks on the inside but have never done anything about it because when you have so much going on in your life, don't fuck around with things if they don't need fixin', ya know? But now as I get older I realize that if I'm not happy in the house I live in then I'm not happy most of the time. Unacceptable. So I'm doing something about it. Slowly but surely.
I'm also doing a split zine with someone who's a big supporter of The F-Bomb and all of my creative projects. Her name's Sarah and she runs Once Upon A Distro. We started talking after Wooden Shoe in Philly started carrying my zine and she had read it and loved it. She put out a request to do a split zine and I responded back and we're both excited for it. She wanted to go with a theme so we both agreed on "firsts." I've already written the story of my first apartment and now I just have to think about what other stories I want to write and how I can wrangle them in under the "first" theme. :) And also, find the time to do that.
Right now I feel like I'm going to drop down on the floor in a fit of slumber. I'm on my moon, I'm starting to come down with a cold, and I just can't fucking sleep correctly lately and I don't know why. I feel like I need to power sleep for 15 or so hours to reboot my sleep. Maybe I'll just sleep today and give the dishes and laundry the bird. I'm too tired for this.
I was going to write something much more meaningful and regale you with witticisms and funny things but this is all you get from me today. Maybe the next time I write I'll be much less whiny.
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